How [NOT] to Calm a Crying Baby

On the left, a child getting slapped.  On the right, a happy kid giving you the thumbs up!

So your baby wakes up crying, and also wakes you up from that wonderful dream you were having about not having a baby. What do you do? If you’re reading this from Indonesia, please don’t answer that question with “Give the baby a cigarette.” But in all seriousness, the parental response is to somehow calm the baby down.

On the left, a child getting slapped. On the right, a happy kid giving you the thumbs up!

As you can see from the image above, the “GOOD” baby is being held by his mother, while the bad baby is left to fend for himself with nothing but a bottle.

At first glance, it looks like “GOOD” is the way to go, but lets take a closer look:

On the “GOOD” side, if you look closely, you’ll see that mom is slapping the baby with her right hand while smirking, which seems like some sick fetish, right out of Law and Order SVU.

On the other hand, the “BAD” baby is independently sitting up and taking care of himself while enjoying his “XXX”, which I’m assuming is some sort of Mexican baby formula (Thank you Mexicans, for all that you do for us). Also, this baby is clearly communicating to you that he’s okay by giving you a thumbs up! In addition, he is completely independent, and does not need parental guidance, support, or intervention, and will refuse to be called a “momma’s boy.”

Decide for yourselves people: Do you want a kid that will depend on you every step of the way? Or do you want an independent XXX drinker that YOU can depend on?


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